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Let's Talk about It

Since two heads are better than one, I've created a FB group for people to share their experiences and support each other.

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Addiction

Substance abuse can change people's lives; not just the life of the person using it as a crutch to deal with life's problems, but those who love that person, too. If you or a family member are struggling with substance abuse, here are some helpful links:

SAMHSA - The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service Administration provides national resources for individuals seeking treatment and for people who love and support them.
"How to Help an Alcoholic Family Member without Enabling Them" - This article from the Recovery Centers of America gives practical advice to help those trying to support loved ones through additiction.
Recovery Research Institute - This site provides resources for families, including links to therapy resources and support groups.
SIRCC - For those of you in the Treasure Valley, the Southwest Idaho Recovery Community Center is an excellent, local resource.

Attachment Style

The way you bond with your parents is often the way you bond with your significant other, but since no one escapes childhood unscathed (even if the damage is minor), here is some information about attachment styles you can use to break the cycle with your kids or your partner:

Attachment Styles - This article, published by the Cleveland Clinic, helps identify common attachment styles and how to prevent (or develop) different ones through your parenting.
Attachment Styles & Their Role in Relationships - This article, discusses how different attachments styles affect your adult relationships, and how to recognize your own and the way it might affect your significant other.
Attachment Styles (How They Affect Adult Relationships) - Of the three articles here, I like the practical tips from HelpGuide.org on how to support your partner and their attachment style.

Healthy Boundaries

Setting Healthy Boundaries - This article from HelpGuide.org has very practical definitions and easy-to-implement steps for drawing and holding healthy boundaries
Boundary Setting Tool - This worksheet by UC Davis lets you identify areas around which you might want to draw boundaries and helps you decide on the best way to accomplish this.
Setting Healthy Boundaries - This site by SMART Recovery explains exactly why boundaries are important and how to go about setting ones appropriate to you and your situation.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

This wasn't intentional, but "He's Just Drunk" drops in October, which happens to be Domestic Violence Awareness Month. While my ex-husband didn't struggle with addiction, I know that many other people's partners do, and abuse, no matter its form or impetus is unacceptable.

I knew something was "off" in my marriage, but I thought abuse looked like raised fists, because that was the only thing that had been labeled "abuse" previously in my life. But any relationship in which one partner seeks to control the other IS ABUSIVE. If you find your relationship falls somewhere on this wheel, please reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE) or an organization in your area for help 💜

Here are a few in the Treasure Valley:

Nampa Family Justice Center - These people literally saved my life. I thought that the only way that I could get out of my unhealthy marriage was if one of us died, and I was slowly getting comfortable with the fact that it didn't have to be my husband: I could make my own expedited exit. Luckily, I found the support I needed and at the Family Justice Center and gained a new vocabulary and a way to re-frame my experiences. There is no difference between physical and emotional/mental scars, except their visibility.
Domestic Shelters - This is a list of 4 domestic violence and abuse programs in Boise, along with their emergency hotlines.

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